You know those silent cries you have so no one will hear you, how you have to hold back that gasp of sound you make when you break down? Have you ever felt like you never do anything right? How people make little stabs at you because they know it will hurt?
I always feel like I never do anything right. Like its eating me alive.
I’m fat. my attitude always suck. I can’t ever do thing correctly. I’m selfish. My face is broken out. My teeth aren’t straight. I’m too short. My skin is too pale. My eyes aren’t the right shade of blue. I never look good whenever I try to do my makeup, my hair is always messy, and my clothes aren’t the cutest
All of that. All that you’re reading is how I see myself…. How people make me feel about myself. I don’t ever feel beautiful. I always feel like something is wrong with me. People can tell me I’m pretty but I don’t see it, I never will because I have so much that isn’t right about me.
Then I come home…. God when I come home…. My mother.. she makes me feel the worst about myself. He’s not gonna want you if you keep looking like that, or you’ve gained some weight recently, or my friends were talking about how you’ve gotten kinda puggy or lay off of that food, it’ll make you gain more weight … Can I just not be beautiful?
I promised myself I would never cut again but the urge to do it is unreal. To feel that raw pain so I don’t have to feel the emotional pain. It’s amazing what words can do to someone. How they break you down and make you feel like nothing… How they take away the beauty you see in the world and more importantly in yourself.